It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
