Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
