MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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