Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
