So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
