Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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