I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
even my farts smell like vagina
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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