so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
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Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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