areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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