I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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