I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
