There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
