I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
