She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
