he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
