This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
