I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Need sex. Gaining weight.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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