I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
