you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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