Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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