He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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