i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Randomize
