Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
