i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
