There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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