I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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