dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
