Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
