escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
