I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
