So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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