Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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