dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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