It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
