I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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