I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
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The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
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Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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