it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
