No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
