remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Did you just see the Batmobile???
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
