I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
