I must be too annoying 4 u.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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