Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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