Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
