You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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