He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
