On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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