apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
