the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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