this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You were trust falling into bushes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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