You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
