roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
