So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
