Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
