I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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