I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
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dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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