dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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