whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
