i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
