what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
