you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
