I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
be right there i have to get my cape
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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