haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
try to milk me bitch
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