Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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