i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
